Black Jelly Beans

• Participation Trophies
• Dessert at Every Meal
• No Television Commercials
• Smartphones
• Supervised Playdates

This is the go-to list of how kids are going soft.

I am submitting a new example, that I hope gets adopted into the lexicon of the disgruntled (I am including myself in this category).

Black jelly beans.

The Easter egg hunt is a household staple. Every year, the Easter Bunny hides dozens of eggs on the first floor. Our three boys are not allowed downstairs until everyone is awake. Once awake, they wait patiently on the stair landing for the go-ahead. Since there is a two-year age gap between each boy, we usually give a 30-second head start for the youngers and a 15-second head start for the middle one.

The Easter Bunny values quantity over quality. What he lacks in hiding place creativity, he makes up in the sheer egg volume.

I know some Easter Bunnies put money in eggs. Ours deals strictly in candy. After an epic hunt that rivals the physicality of an afternoon men’s pickup basketball game at the YMCA, the boys begin opening their eggs and sorting through their candy. To my astonishment, I noticed a vast array of jelly beans. I don’t simply mean colors and flavors. I’m referring to brands as well.

Brands

• Starburst
• Nerd
• Jelly Belly
• Swedish Fish
• Brach’s All Red
• Jolly Rancher
• Skittles
• Sour Patch

I think it’s great that so many players have gotten into the jelly bean game. (Un)Healthy competition leads to new and exciting flavors. But, black jelly beans were noticeably absent from every brand.

Do I like black jelly beans? Of course not. That is a ridiculous question. I’ve got a jar of anise seeds on the spice rack, and I’m not chewing on those when we’re partaking in our after every meal dessert. If you’re one of the five people reading this blog, and you like black jelly beans, I’d rather cut my readership by 20%, than have you support BlogGaud.

When I was a kid, I used to eat a handful of jelly beans at a time, because I liked the cornucopia of flavors. However, if just one black jelly bean infiltrated the bunch, the whole flavor experience was ruined. But I needed that punch in the mouth because it taught me to slow down and savor the deliciousness of the non-black jelly beans. Juxtaposed against the terribleness of the black jelly beans, the other flavors were more vibrant.

Life’s not all sunshine and rainbows. It’s full of disappointment, heartache, and letdowns. We can’t remove all the obstacles from the path. The sooner kids learn this, the more equipped they are to navigate it.

Currently, I’m crafting a letter to the Easter Bunny requesting the reintroduction of black jelly beans. Because the path we’re on might allow more dire scenarios to play out…like cereal with all marshmallows!