Where Does Responsibility Lie?

Do you have a responsibility not to offend?
Or do you have a responsibility not to be offended?

Of course, you shouldn’t intentionally offend people. That part is easy.
But what happens when offense isn’t intentional?

I’ve always disliked apologies that sound like this:
“I’m sorry if I made you feel…”

They don’t land. They feel hollow. Why? Because they avoid ownership. The focus shifts from the action to the reaction—as if the problem is how the other person felt, not what was actually said or done.

Let’s break this down with a few simple scenarios.

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Kidish

“Childish” is a real word. Webster defines it as “of, relating to, or suitable for a child or childhood.” That’s not the word I’m looking for, so I made up my own: kidish.

Gaudet (that’s me) defines it as putting the needs of your kids ahead of your own—often at your own expense. Think “selfish,” but replace you with your kids. I know there’s “selfless,” but that’s too broad. I even considered “otherish,” but that still misses the point. I’m talking specifically about your kids.

There’s a metaphor that gets used ubiquitously (that’s a Dave Knapp word): Put your oxygen mask on first before helping others. The idea is simple—you can’t take care of anyone else if you don’t first take care of yourself.

There’s truth in that. But I think we’ve taken some creative liberties with how we apply it.

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“I’m the type of person…”

She was hungry.
The girl acted bravely.
The boy was mischievous.

These are the kinds of sentences we’re taught to avoid.

A major tenet of writing—one I’m very qualified to discuss as an elementary education major who ended up teaching math, and who, in high school, skipped The Tortilla Curtain and landed in British Literature instead of AP English—is this:

Show, don’t tell.

What made him evil?
How do we know she was hungry?
What did she do that made her brave?
What chaos did the boy actually cause?

If it matters, don’t label it.
Prove it.

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Say No To No

During a time of seemingly unlimited possibilities, education can feel strangely stagnant. Venturing outside the tried and true is rare—and sometimes dangerous. Not physically dangerous, but lose-your-job dangerous.

And let’s be honest, it’s often more tried than true, because the results in education are… well… pretty mediocre.

Wyatt Earp (Kurt Russell) telling Curly Bill (Powers Booth) “No” over and over again before he kills him in Tombstone.

A Tommy Boy montage of Richard (David Spade) frustratingly watching Tommy (Chris Farley) repeatedly take “no” for an answer.

And finally, Lost’s John Locke (Terry O’Quinn) getting denied his walkabout while vehemently screaming, “Don’t tell me what I can’t do!”

Normally, there would be a little more substance tied to the video clips. But for the purposes of this post, all I needed were some cool scenes of people saying—or hearing—“no.”

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Old Passwords

An untimely fate I did meet.
At the pearly gates, who did greet
But Saint Peter, attentive on his feet,
Who calmly told me, “Take a seat.”

“Before you enter, there’s one last thing.”
Was it something I had to bring?
A review of all my lying?
Good deeds tallied before dying?

As if he could read my thoughts,
He simply shook his head no.
“It’s your passwords we must review
Before I let you go.”

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“I thought you were…”

Let me start by saying that my mom is a saint.

I know everyone thinks they have the best mom, but I truly have the best mom. Even my friends say that my mom is a saint. With that disclaimer in place, this post is about the worst thing my mom has ever said to me.

“I thought you were my sweet one.”

I don’t remember what I said or did that prompted it, but I remember those words. And she didn’t say them with malice or venom. If anything, it was probably said a little tongue-in-cheek. But I felt a bit of truth behind it.

And it devastated me.

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Romance Novels

My Goodreads categories include biography, classic, comedy, fiction, health & wellness, historical fiction, military, non-fiction, poetry, science & nature, self-improvement, sports, thriller, and YA. There’s no specific romance category (I usually hide those in fiction), but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy a good love story.

As much as I appreciate escaping into a world where I know the protagonists will inevitably end up together, I have one major problem with the genre: universally attractive main characters.

I know, I know—beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and “ugly” is a relative term. But I believe there are some universal beauty standards. And, somehow, the criteria that define those standards always seem to match the physical characteristics of every romantic lead.

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Balance

The emotional toll education takes on teachers makes balance essential—not just for a successful career, but for a happy life.

In The Karate Kid, Mr. Miyagi (Pat Morita) gives Daniel (Ralph Macchio) a car for his birthday. Daniel is thrilled, but Mr. Miyagi senses something is still weighing on him. Daniel admits he’s worried about the upcoming karate tournament.

Mr. Miyagi reminds Daniel of an earlier lesson: the importance of balance. Balance is not only critical for success in the tournament, he explains—it is critical in life. He hands Daniel a picture of his girlfriend as a reminder that there is more to life than karate. When you focus too heavily on one area, stress and worry follow.

The same is true in education.

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Two Lines

The ride has two lines.
The regular line.
And the alternate line—
for those who cannot stand in the regular one.

There are many legitimate reasons
a person might not be able
to wait like everyone else.

A man with a broken leg approaches the ride.
He pauses.
He studies both lines.

The regular line stretches far—
a winding ribbon of patience.
The alternate line is short.

His leg aches.
His crutches press into his palms.
He feels each step.

But he is grateful
to be at the amusement park,
to feel the sun,
to hear the laughter.

He chooses the regular line.

A second man with a sprained ankle approaches.
He, too, surveys the scene.

The regular line is long.
The alternate line is short.

His ankle feels fine—
a self-diagnosed inconvenience.
A discomfort he rehearses in his mind
until it becomes justification.

He feels entitled.

He chooses the alternate line.

There is always someone
doing more with less.

And, unfortunately,
there is always someone
taking more
than they need.

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You Don’t Always Have to Win

That’s a difficult title for me to write.

Growing up with two brothers, competition was a way of life. We raced to the dinner table, battled over board games, and kept score of everything. But in education, constantly trying to come out on top can quietly erode the very relationships we’re meant to protect.

As a kid, I hated the final scene in A League of Their Own. I rooted for Dottie (Geena Davis) the entire movie. I found Kit (Lori Petty) overly whiny and frustrating. So when Dottie drops the ball in the championship game—allowing Kit to win the title for Racine—I was devastated.

Why would she do that?

As I’ve grown older and rewatched the film, I see that moment differently. I don’t believe the ball simply slipped out. I believe Dottie made a decision.

She did it for Kit.
But she also did it for herself.

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What’s Wrong with Education

The history teacher was stuck in the past
The math teacher had too many problems
The gym teacher couldn’t pull his weight
The band director couldn’t face the music
The shop teacher couldn’t make the cut
The dance teacher was out of step
The physics teacher had no energy
The English teacher couldn’t find the words
The librarian was full of issues
The coding teacher was stuck in a loop
The art teacher lacked perspective
The economics teacher proved a poor investment
The counselor required guidance
The Latin teacher couldn’t seize the day
The principal needed discipline

Readers may need to take a recess from reading my posts after this one.


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Exposure

George Carlin famously argued that, from a health standpoint, exposure is a good thing. That may explain why I got into education—to strengthen my immune system. Because let’s be honest: schools are basically petri dishes.

Do kids need exposure to teachers with different abilities in order to be successful?

As a principal, I work with all types of people—educators, families, students—and my approach shifts constantly depending on who I’m interacting with. One moment I’m patiently spoon-feeding a new initiative to a teacher who’s overwhelmed. The next, I’m nodding along and feigning interest in a parent’s detailed recap of the weekend weather.

That flexibility isn’t accidental. It’s learned.

So let’s look at a simplified case study.

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I Can’t Clip Nails

I bite my nails.
It’s not a bad habit.
I just don’t use nail clippers.

I had a dog once.
I bought a pair of clippers,
cut too deep,
saw blood.
I never used them again.

She used to cut nails on Saturdays.
An assembly line:
one boy, then the next, then one more.
They fought to go first,
to get it over with.

Without her, there’s more to do.
I do the laundry.
I take them to the dentist and the doctor.
I sign their report cards.

But I can’t
clip their nails.

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Keep Your Focus

Every year, education becomes more complex. There is more to do, more to worry about, and more to understand. In a profession that can feel overwhelming, maintaining focus is not just helpful—it is essential.

In For Love of the Game, the aging pitching ace Billy Chapel (Kevin Costner) finds himself in New York one last time, facing the Yankees. As Chapel prepares to throw the first pitch, he scans the stadium, locking in on the insults being hurled his way by hostile home fans.

To center himself, Chapel utters a simple phrase: “Clear the mechanism.” Instantly, the surrounding noise fades away. His focus narrows to one thing—the batter standing in front of him.

Spoiler alert: Chapel goes on to pitch a perfect game. He accomplishes this rare feat because he is able to separate distractions from the task at hand.

If only teaching were that simple.

Teachers can’t just say “Clear the mechanism” as they walk into class and expect every student to follow directions, participate enthusiastically, support one another, and master the content. But while the solution may not be that easy, the principle still applies.

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“I’m Tired, Boss”

A common question I’m asked is: What’s the difference between being a teacher and being a principal?
My response is always the same: Have you seen The Green Mile?

The Green Mile centers on death row inmate John Coffey (Michael Clarke Duncan), who has been sentenced to death for the rape and murder of two children. As the film unfolds, we learn that John is not a monster at all—he is a miracle worker, gifted with the ability to remove pain from those who are suffering.

In one powerful scene, prison guard Paul Edgecomb (Tom Hanks) is experiencing unbearable pain caused by a severe bladder infection. John calls Paul over to his cell, grabs him, and pulls him close—initially causing Paul to fear for his life. Moments later, Paul realizes John isn’t trying to hurt him; he’s trying to help him. The scene ends with Paul asking, “What did you just do to me?” John simply replies, “I helped it. Didn’t I help it?”

By the end of the film, John has deeply impacted everyone around him. But the years of absorbing others’ pain and suffering have taken a tremendous toll.

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