I practice the opposite of meditation.
I am never alone.  My thoughts are always there.

Instead of letting thoughts come and go,
I hold on to them.
I wrestle with them.
I play choose your own adventure with them.

Not all those adventures are positive.

I wish I could let the negative ones go,
but maybe there are benefits
to letting a negative thought marinate.

When I play out those thoughts in my head,
I imagine what I would say,
how I would act,
what I would do,
and how the lie would sound.

Then I wipe the thought away, 
but save the learning. 

All that time spent exploring my own thoughts
has taught me to notice cues,
motivations,
and insincerities.

I recognize how defensiveness might sound.
How avoidance might look.
How someone might disguise what they really want.

Of course, I could be projecting.
I could be wrong.

But sometimes, I recognize the path someone is taking
because I’ve already walked it in my head.

Maybe overprocessing every thought
has its advantages.

I’ve taken Gallup’s StrengthsFinder assessment twice. Both times, “Significance” landed in my top three strengths.

Gallup defines Significance as a deep desire to make a substantial, lasting impact and to be recognized for unique contributions. People high in Significance strive for excellence. They want to be seen as credible, influential, and capable of leaving a meaningful legacy.

At its healthiest, Significance is about purpose. It pushes people to think bigger, lead courageously, and pursue work that matters.

But if I’m being reflective, I can also admit there’s a shadow side to it.

At its core, part of me likes to feel needed. I want to know my work matters. I want people to believe I’m doing a good job. Most leaders probably do.

Then there’s another trait entirely: the need to be liked by everyone.

Continue reading “To Be Liked or To Be Significant” →

Do you have a responsibility not to offend?
Or do you have a responsibility not to be offended?

Of course, you shouldn’t intentionally offend people. That part is easy.
But what happens when offense isn’t intentional?

I’ve always disliked apologies that sound like this:
“I’m sorry if I made you feel…”

They don’t land. They feel hollow. Why? Because they avoid ownership. The focus shifts from the action to the reaction—as if the problem is how the other person felt, not what was actually said or done.

Let’s break this down with a few simple scenarios.

Continue reading “Where Does Responsibility Lie?” →

“Childish” is a real word. Webster defines it as “of, relating to, or suitable for a child or childhood.” That’s not the word I’m looking for, so I made up my own: kidish.

Gaudet (that’s me) defines it as putting the needs of your kids ahead of your own—often at your own expense. Think “selfish,” but replace you with your kids. I know there’s “selfless,” but that’s too broad. I even considered “otherish,” but that still misses the point. I’m talking specifically about your kids.

There’s a metaphor that gets used ubiquitously (that’s a Dave Knapp word): Put your oxygen mask on first before helping others. The idea is simple—you can’t take care of anyone else if you don’t first take care of yourself.

There’s truth in that. But I think we’ve taken some creative liberties with how we apply it.

Continue reading “Kidish” →

She was hungry.
The girl acted bravely.
The boy was mischievous.

These are the kinds of sentences we’re taught to avoid.

A major tenet of writing—one I’m very qualified to discuss as an elementary education major who ended up teaching math, and who, in high school, skipped The Tortilla Curtain and landed in British Literature instead of AP English—is this:

Show, don’t tell.

What made him evil?
How do we know she was hungry?
What did she do that made her brave?
What chaos did the boy actually cause?

If it matters, don’t label it.
Prove it.

Continue reading ““I’m the type of person…”” →

Let me start by saying that my mom is a saint.

I know everyone thinks they have the best mom, but I truly have the best mom. Even my friends say that my mom is a saint. With that disclaimer in place, this post is about the worst thing my mom has ever said to me.

“I thought you were my sweet one.”

I don’t remember what I said or did that prompted it, but I remember those words. And she didn’t say them with malice or venom. If anything, it was probably said a little tongue-in-cheek. But I felt a bit of truth behind it.

And it devastated me.

Continue reading ““I thought you were…”” →

The ride has two lines.
The regular line.
And the alternate line—
for those who cannot stand in the regular one.

There are many legitimate reasons
a person might not be able
to wait like everyone else.

A man with a broken leg approaches the ride.
He pauses.
He studies both lines.

The regular line stretches far—
a winding ribbon of patience.
The alternate line is short.

His leg aches.
His crutches press into his palms.
He feels each step.

But he is grateful
to be at the amusement park,
to feel the sun,
to hear the laughter.

He chooses the regular line.

A second man with a sprained ankle approaches.
He, too, surveys the scene.

The regular line is long.
The alternate line is short.

His ankle feels fine—
a self-diagnosed inconvenience.
A discomfort he rehearses in his mind
until it becomes justification.

He feels entitled.

He chooses the alternate line.

There is always someone
doing more with less.

And, unfortunately,
there is always someone
taking more
than they need.