It’s not appropriate to attack Christmas songs during the holiday season. But once January rolls around, they’re fair game.
The Christmas Song (Merry Christmas to You) is problematic.
And no, I’m not talking about chestnuts. They’re gross, no one eats them, and no one roasts them. I’m talking about something else entirely.
“And so I’m offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it’s been said many times, many ways
Merry Christmas to you”
Apparently, Nat King Cole takes issue with babies and old people. Two of our most at-risk, fragile, and sensitive demographics are somehow undeserving of a “Merry Christmas.”
To be fair, I’ve never read Mr. King Cole’s biography, so perhaps his exclusion of infants and the elderly is justified. Maybe he missed hearing his beloved Yankees close out the Reds on October 9, 1961 because some aloof parent brought a newborn to the bar. Maybe he blamed his irrationally long BINGO losing streak on wheel-rigging seniors at the local community hall.
Regardless, Christmas is supposed to be a season of love, joy, peace, and togetherness—not omission.
So I am writing a wrong (see what I did there) by altering the lyrics to include everyone.
“And so I’m offering this reconciliatory phrase
For kids younger than one and older than ninety-two
You were robbed of a greeting for no real reason but age
But now—Merry Christmas to you”
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