I’ve never been a fan of automated “out of office” email replies. To me, they always sound stiff, unnecessary, and—let’s be honest—slightly self-important. I mean, I’m very important, and yet I don’t set them. People need me, so I’m always available.
But then I had a thought: what if I sent out “out of office” replies that were personalized, snarky, and directly tailored to the sender? That might actually make them worth reading.
Examples
Hello,
Thank you for your message. I am currently out of the office and will return on [date]. Based on the contents of your email, you clearly don’t need immediate assistance, so there’s no need to bother anyone else.
Warm regards,
BlogGaud
I am away from the office until [date] and will respond when I return, unless this is [name]. In that case, I won’t be responding at all—I already answered your question the first time.
Sincerely,
BlogGaud
Good day,
Thank you for reaching out. I am out of the office indefinitely due to the stress caused by [name of the sender’s child].
Leave me alone,
BlogGaud
Salutations,
I am out of the office for the remainder of the holiday break. I think your email must have gone through a tunnel when you hit send, because all I saw was: blah, blah, blah.
Your annoyed principal,
BlogGaud
Greetings,
I’m currently out of the office attending a professional development on how to deal with staff who send far too many emails that say absolutely nothing. Apparently, this problem is so widespread (and so annoying) that it requires a two-week training.
Definitely not talking about you (cough),
BlogGaud
The best part is, I’d probably get away with it. Whenever I receive an out of office reply, my first instinct is to silently judge the person for not being at work. My second is to delete the message without really reading it. If most people do the same, there’s a pretty good chance my snarky replies would slip by unnoticed.
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