Stephen Covey popularized the idea of “Think Win-Win”—seeking mutual benefit in all interactions, where agreements and solutions are good for everyone involved, not just one side. It’s rooted in an abundance mindset: the belief that there’s enough success and opportunity for all. With that foundation, collaboration replaces competition.
Win-Win is a glorious thing. Everyone should strive to find outcomes that benefit all.
But here’s the catch: the key word is “seeking.” While we should seek win-wins, sometimes something else finds us…
The dreaded lose-lose-lose-lose-lose-lose.
I usually keep my posts upbeat, but this one is headed into the valley for a bit. Hopefully, I can break out of the flat spin (sorry Goose) to provide a little hope by the end.
A Series of Unfortunate Events
Billy hits Johnny in Ms. Smith’s class. (Real plain Jane school, and yes—Ms. Smith’s first name is Jane.)
Background context: Billy is dealing with a lot at home, and Johnny was pushing his buttons.
As principal, you investigate thoroughly and—after weighing the mitigating factors—suspend Billy for one day.
And then… the dominoes start falling.
- Loss #1: Billy’s mom is mad because she has to take off work to stay home with him.
- Loss #2: Billy is mad because he thought you had a good relationship and now you’ve suspended him.
- Loss #3: Johnny’s parents are mad because they hear (through the pumpkinvine—it is fall) that Billy only got one day.
- Loss #4: Ms. Smith is mad because you’re putting a “dangerous” student back in her classroom after just one day.
- Loss #5: Since Ms. Smith is a veteran teacher, the entire staff now believes you don’t support teacher safety.
- Loss #6: Johnny’s mom files a complaint with the superintendent’s office, which means your boss is now mad because she has more work to do.
Where’s the silver lining in this loss six-pack?
The Referee Rule
There’s an old referee adage: if both teams are mad at you, you’re probably doing a good job.
School administrators aren’t in the business of making decisions that make them look good. They’re in the business of making decisions that are best for kids.
And that often means someone (or in this case, everyone) is going to be unhappy.
The Principal’s Lens
The unique thing about this story is that the principal is the only one with the full picture.
- Parents see through the lens of their child.
- Teachers see through the lens of classroom safety.
- District leaders see through the lens of community complaints.
Two Anchors in the Storm
What keeps you grounded when everyone else is upset?
- Do a thorough investigation. Get the facts, talk to the right people, and make sure the decision is based on truth—not assumptions.
- Build real relationships with students. If they know you care, discipline—even when it stings—lands differently.
When you’re working with those two anchors, you can’t afford to let outcomes or reactions drive your decisions. Outcome-based thinking will almost always push you toward the wrong choice.
You can’t control whether people like your decision. You can only control whether it’s the right one.
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