Kidish

“Childish” is a real word. Webster defines it as “of, relating to, or suitable for a child or childhood.” That’s not the word I’m looking for, so I made up my own: kidish.

Gaudet (that’s me) defines it as putting the needs of your kids ahead of your own—often at your own expense. Think “selfish,” but replace you with your kids. I know there’s “selfless,” but that’s too broad. I even considered “otherish,” but that still misses the point. I’m talking specifically about your kids.

There’s a metaphor that gets used ubiquitously (that’s a Dave Knapp word): Put your oxygen mask on first before helping others. The idea is simple—you can’t take care of anyone else if you don’t first take care of yourself.

There’s truth in that. But I think we’ve taken some creative liberties with how we apply it.

Putting on your oxygen mask first is not the same as getting a weekly massage, spending four hours golfing, living vicariously through your kids, guilt-tripping them as they grow more independent, or parking yourself on the couch all Sunday watching the NFL. Those aren’t survival needs—they’re preferences. And more often than not, they prioritize an adult’s emotional, social, or financial wants over a child’s needs.

We like to label those things as “self-care,” because it sounds responsible. It gives us permission. But let’s be honest—most of the time, we’re doing them because we want to.

And that’s the uncomfortable part.

You had 25, 30, maybe 35 years to prioritize your own time, your own hobbies, your own interests. That chapter doesn’t disappear when you have kids—but it does change.

This isn’t to say parents can’t have hobbies or do things they enjoy. Of course they can. But those things come after your kids’ needs are met. And sometimes that means days, weeks, or even months go by without doing something just for you.

That might sound depressing. It’s not.

What I’ve learned is this: when you consistently prioritize your kids—their activities, their interests, their growth—you begin to enjoy those things.

Would I rather sit on the couch on a Sunday and watch the Giants or go to a U10 soccer game?

It’s not even close. The soccer game wins every time. (And no, that’s not just because the Giants are brutal.) But I don’t think you get to that point until you fully commit to prioritizing your kids. There’s a shift that happens.

It’s a little like vegetables.

When I was younger, I wanted the sweet, salty, fried, and cheesy stuff. Vegetables were an obligation. But once I understood their value—and started choosing them regularly—I began to actually prefer them. That doesn’t mean I don’t still enjoy something indulgent. It just means the order changed. Vegetables first.

Parenting works the same way.

When you have kids, you have a responsibility to put them first. Your old extracurriculars aren’t oxygen—you don’t need them to survive, and you don’t need them to be a good parent.

Prioritize what’s best for your kids long enough, and you’ll start to realize something surprising:

What’s best for them becomes what’s best for you.