I know there are more actors who played Superman, but there’s only so many tabs of really good looking men I could have open on my computer before Vicky got suspicious.
Looking at the four images above, or watching any Superman movie or show, it’s plain to see that there’s a particular look casting directors are going for. That look is not ugly.
Continue reading “Ugly Superman”
Teacher – “Compare and contrast…using a Venn Diagram”
Students – “Ugggghhhhh”
Teacher – “Compare and contrast Darth Vader, Disciplining a Child, Old Testament God, and Trash Talk using a Fourtune Map”
Students – “Yayyyyyyyyyy”
When you’re a kid, you’re naive enough to think that a song’s sole purpose is for listening enjoyment. That’s 100% false. Every (yes, every) song has a deeper meaning.
The 1993 reggae masterpiece, Informer by Snow, spent seven consecutive weeks atop the Billboard Hot 100. Most people believe that the song is a reference to Canadian’s Darrin Kenneth O’Brien’s (yep, that’s Snow’s real name) 1988 attempted murder charge. The song is about guns, water guns. Informer recounts an epic 1979 water gun fight Darrin and his friends had during the one week of Canadian summer.
The next time you’re easily singing to this gem, swap out the lyrics with their meaning (bolded).
What’s up man! Hey yo what’s up!
Hi. Do you want to play capture the flag with water guns?
Yeah what’s goin’ on here.
Of course!
Sick an’ tired of five-oh runnin’ up on the block here.
My Super Soaker 50 doesn’t hold enough water
You know what I’m sayin’?
Do you run out of water during water gun fights too?
Yo Snow, they came around here lookin’ for you the other day. Word? Word! Bust it!
I heard they’re making a Super Soaker 300, but it’s really heavy
Over the past ten years, side hustles have gained in popularity and become a way to supplement income.
With no formal training in these areas, it is hard to know where to start. Many turn to YouTube for tutorials and instructional videos. In fact, creating informational videos on YouTube to support side hustles is, in itself, a side hustle.
Continue reading “How To How To”
I did it! The elusive perfect brackish (waterways where salinity levels fall between fresh and sea water):
A classic trap game where the Black Sea was looking ahead to the Baltic Sea. Hudson Bay is home to several thousand beluga whales, and beluga whales are awesome.
Hudson Bay Advances
Continue reading “Brackishology”
“Going Steady,” two romantic partners agreeing to an exclusive relationship, popularized in the 1950s and 60s, passed away in the 1970s surrounded by bad music and fashion. Going steady spent its life occupying teenage dreams and climbing Top 40 charts across America. It is survived by going out, hooking up, Facebook official, swiping, and cuffing. A wholesome phrase, it took great pride in highlighting the monogamous nature of an era.
Before the dust settles (dust takes 60+ years to settle), I’m hopeful that “Going Steady” will make a triumphant return in 2025. Tired of the online dating doldrums, Generations Z and Alpha must replace their phones with loose leaf paper and Bic pens. They need to know the joy of a note slid across a study hall desk with the hopes of a circled “yes” and the yes resulting in a date. The date leading to going steady. Our youth will no longer play the field or keep their options open, as a new generation will embrace the benefits of a single partner. Going steady will not only become in vogue, it will make people happier.
Dear Mr./Mrs. Squishmallows,
I am writing to express my interest in the Squishmallows naming position at Squishmallows Incorporated. I do not recall if this position was posted or if I dreamt it, but my roommate (let’s call her mom) has reminded me that I must take deliberate action if I want to achieve my goals.
I have 2,138 stuffed animals. I am sorry to say that not all of them are Squishmallows (I hope that doesn’t eliminate me as a candidate for this position). All of my stuffies have names, personalities, and backstories. A lot of the names, personalities, and backstories are taken directly from straight to VHS Disney movies. Still, I had to spend hours watching, and rewatching, those movies to match my stuffies’ personalities to the appropriate characters.
Continue reading “Squishmallows Namer Interest Letter”
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. –Robert Frost
Two pieces of Denny’s toast diverged from my plate and onto the floor, and I—I ate them both, and that was a terrible decision.
Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value. –Albert Einstein
Strive not to order off the regular menu, but rather the $2/4/6/8 value menu.
Continue reading “Grand Slam Motivation”
Christmas in real life ends with a disheveled pile of trash, boxes, and wrapping paper. Christmas in movies end in a nice, neat bow. I always wondered what those storybook endings look like when lives return to normal.
Never one to brag, Kevin returns to the 3rd grade following his Christmas break not sharing his heroics and near death experience with his classmates. However, his teacher assigns a journal assignment asking students to write about what they most enjoyed over the holidays. Not typically a fan of writing, Kevin feels that with this assignment he may be able to finally get a good grade, because he has a lot of events to draw from.
Continue reading “Home Alone – Afterward”
Twitter threads allow content creators to share more than 280 characters on a specific topic. One of the more interesting thread types is the derivation of something (an invention, a movie, a fad, a rise to fame, etc.). I thought it would be fun to create my own type of Twitter derivation post called a “yarn.” It’s the exact same concept as a thread, except it’s 100% fabricated. I figured I’d post it on the blog and Twitter.
Continue reading “The Birth of Coffee Pods”
Every year, we hold a school wide competition around the holidays:
Who doesn’t love a good Hallmark holiday movie? You are a screenwriter for the Hallmark Network. The holiday season is just around the corner. The company executives want you to pitch them your best Hallmark Holiday Movie idea.
In keeping with tradition, I am sharing my submission from this year.
William shared the perfect life with his loving wife and three beautiful girls. The family was set to take their annual December ski trip to the mountains. All three girls loved skiing and had gotten quite good at it over the years. But, the consensus favorite part of the trip was stopping at McMathers’ Christmas Tree Farm on the way home to pick out a Canaan fir (William preferred Canaan’s because of their strong branches which could withstand the weight of the roughly 2 million ornaments the family had accumulated over the years).
Continue reading “Hallmark Holiday Movie Pitch 2024”
This is the go-to list of how kids are going soft.
I am submitting a new example, that I hope gets adopted into the lexicon of the disgruntled (I am including myself in this category).
Black jelly beans.
Continue reading “Black Jelly Beans”
